Two large, frightened eyes looked into the world, searching for someone to take her by the hand. Searching for someone who could explain her the rules.
Those frightened eyes were mine. From the moment I came into this world I experienced anxiety and I started surviving instead of living. As a little girl I saw a lot and I felt a lot.
Why do people say things they do not mean?
Why do people play games to get what they want?
I experienced inequality, judgement, conflicts, competition, bullying and discrimination.
I walked around with many questions.
Why are there so many differences between people?
Why is there so much sadness on this world?
What is life?
What is the meaning of life?
Who am I?
I needed to understand life in order to feel safe myself.
For years I have tried to adapt myself to my environment. I desperately wanted to belong. The more I tried, the more rejection I got. This resulted in my developing anorexia when I was a teenager.
Despite the difficulty of this situation, this is where my growth started. It resulted in my decision to look for help and support with my search for who I really am.
Because of my adaption to the world, I had forgotten who I really was. I started therapy when I was 15 years old and I have met many different counsellors. Everyone of them taught me something valuable, but every time I had a relapse which made me look for a next step. This continued until I was 28 years old. The last counsellor told me: “You know very well who you are. I don’t know how I can help you!”
And she was right. After years of therapy, I knew a lot about myself. The only thing that had not changed, was how I felt about myself.
So there I was at a dead end. The counsellors had told me that they could not help me anymore, so I had to discover what I needed myself. I had the knowledge, but I did not succeed in making long-term changes.
My search led me to research the psyche of the human being. I discovered miscellaneous holistic schools and different kinds of psychology. And it has taught me to learn through experience. My own life became my source of study. Gradually I managed to find out what I needed to experience a safe place where I was allowed to be myself and where I could be myself.
My discoveries made my passion grow. I started workshops and training for myself and other adults who were looking for their inner values. I discovered how I could implement my knowledge, so that it could make lasting change. Regularly I was told that the people would have liked to have learned what I taught them while they were children.
I discovered how to transform caterpillars into beautiful butterflies.